I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
