She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize