I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
