I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
