you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
