We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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