I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize
