yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
