Will you blow on my dice?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
