You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize