I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
