just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
