it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Still dying that you shit outside
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
