I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize