Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
