is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
