you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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