So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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