people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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