Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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