i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
wow bdsm is so cute
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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