The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
