hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize