they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
