so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
