Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
