I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
