I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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