my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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