this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Alive.
So much puke
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize