Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
