Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
