If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
