I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
