my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
