she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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