i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
