I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
