Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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