so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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