you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
