totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize