Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Randomize
