I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
