come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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