i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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