went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
