I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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