Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Vodka?
Forever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
