enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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