we have pet lesbian snakes
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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