He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
