enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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