forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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