I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
