even my farts smell like vagina
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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