wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
