oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
