giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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