last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize