My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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