I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
