remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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