some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
