woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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