five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
