great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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