Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
