he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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