My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
