i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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