You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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