I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize