Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
