worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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