We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
