im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
