Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's always time for handjobs
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
