I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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