I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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