She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
