Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
