I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize