why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
