Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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