So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
