I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
