i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
