Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
