how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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