mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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