oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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