the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
