you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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