Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
