if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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