I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize