Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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