Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
