so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
