Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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