I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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