my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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