So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
