my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize